I have to post this really quickly. Is it normal that I am overly emotional since her injury? Audrey is handling it so much better than I am. It is almost like she doesn't remember it. She instinctively does not use her other hand and is as happy as ever. She has been all smiles. Mommy on the other hand, has been anything but.
After Audrey went to sleep last night I cried so hard I could not breathe. My eyes and face muscles are sore today because of it. I have not cried like that in years. It was like it had been building up all day long but I was staying strong for her. Once she was asleep it was all over.
I cried myself to sleep last night wondering, why? How? What? Every question I could possibly think of. What could I have done different. Why did I not think of that possibly happening? How did her little hand even get into that tight space? WHY, WHY, WHY, did that have to happen to my sweet little baby. She is such a good girl.
It did not end last night. I cried when I saw her this morning. I cried again when she went down for her nap. I am crying now. It hurts so much to know that my sweet, innocent, little girl is in pain and I cannot help but feel at fault. I should have known.
But I did not know, I cannot see the future. I just need to be more cautious. Accidents happen and I am sure this is not going to be the last time she gets hurt (that hurts my stomach to think about). I just wish I could take it back. I do not want her to hurt. I do not want her hand to be scarred and have an everyday reminder of how my baby was injured because I was not thinking (sigh).
Please say prayers for her, hopefully her hand will heal quickly with minimal pain and scarring.
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